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What’s next for Bin Laden?

By Dark Politricks

Did you know that Usama Bin Laden has recently joined the green lobby?. His latest tape reveals that he is firmly in the man made global warming camp and he condemns those fools who want to debate the science behind climate change as well as condemning big corporations for raising living costs and the governments for bailing them out. You couldn’t make this up yet it seems someone, probably in CIA headquarters, is doing just that.

In fact since his probable death in 2001 Bin Laden has released more new material than Biggie Smalls, Tupak and John Lennon put together and he joins that list of uber stars who won’t let being dead stand in the way of a successful career. There are lots of people relying on his regular appearances to get paid including the intelligence agencies, the military industrial complex, security companies and all the rest of the leeches that suck from the teet of big government as it expands into a huge Orwellian nightmare. Therefore Bin Laden speaking from beyond the grave is good for many vested interests and his body actually turning up one day after a drone raid is actually the last thing many people would want to see.

In fact if Bin Laden wasn’t around to play the role of the big bad bogey man he would have to be invented to fulfil the role. He seems to have an uncanny knack of popping up just at the right moment either before a major speech is to be made or when an important piece of legislation such as the Patriot Act needs renewing and he does such a good job of scaring the public into giving up their liberties without thought or question that he has become a major part of the establishment.

Therefore as death isn’t likely to stop his career, and it seems he is branching out from the usual diatribe against western leaders into other current affairs,  should we be on the look out for even more unusual behaviour or off the wall topics of conversation in his future releases? As all good business people know diversification is the key to surviving in these challenging economic times and Bin  Laden is most certainly one of the best survivors around. As all bets are off on his next move I thought I would come up with some ideas for his next move  so maybe he will do one of the following:

1. Release a charity single along with Mullah Mohamed Omar and the rest of the Taliban backing singers in aid of Haiti. All profits go straight to a special disaster relief fund based in Kandahar and will be used to fund Islamic terrorists from all around the world to travel first class to the disaster zone and help the unfortunate citizens of Haiti by praying for them. Why should Pat Robertson and all the other nutty Christians be the only ones to make a quick buck out of the earthquake?

2. Go on Strictly Come Dancing or I’m a celebrity, get me out of here. Apparently he has always loved ballroom dancing and watches every Saturday night from his bat cave in the Stan. Plus he would be perfect in the jungle surviving on meagre rations and living on the bare necessities as he has managed to survive 9 years with a life threatening kidney disease and no dialysis machine in the mountains of Pakistan.

3. Tour schools lecturing kids on the dangers of drugs. He is the perfect spokesman to preach the just say no message and drum up support for the troops in Afghanistan who are doing such a good job in reducing the flow of Opium out of the Golden Crescent. As Tony Blair said we are in the Stan to reduce the flow of smack onto the streets of the UK. The fact that the Opium crop has boomed year on year since the Taliban eradicated it in 2001 is just pure coincidence.

4. Enter the world hide and seek championship. He seems to already hold the record for longest game without being caught so he would definitely be in the running for a medal.

5. Run for congress. Although a fundamental Muslim he is probably more liberal and less radical than some of the right wing Christians that hold office in the USA and after the recent vote in Massachutus he probably has a better chance of being elected than a Democrat. Plus he needn’t worry about getting into the country as even though he surely tops any no fly list ever created we all know that isn’t a bar to entry into the USA and the recent Christmas day bombing attempt shows that even terrorists without passports can gain entry if they know the right people.

I’m sure he has many plans for his next career move and if he’s branching out from beyond the grave to help his fellow man overcome the dangers of climate change then we should all applaud his generous spirit and good will to all humanity as its obvious that he only wants to help. Or we could all take the logical decision to see these tape releases as what they probably are which is faked material which is being produced to keep alive the Bin Laden myth as well as the phony war on terror.

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