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This Can’t be True! Cash-strapped U.S. Selling 41% of Hawaii + Virgin Islands to Canada


– Satire – It has been reported* today that Canada’s multi-year efforts to buy the Turks and Caicos Islands in the Caribbean as a sunny and warm winter vacation destination for it citizens during its long cold winters have been abandoned in favour of an agreement to purchase 41.3% of the Hawaiian Islands and 100% of the U.S. Virgin Islands from the cash-strapped United States.

  Apparently this is only the first of several other major real estate distress sales the U.S. intends to conclude this year as a groundbreaking new way of generating money to bounce back from the tough economic times it has seen in the last couple of years.; By: Lorimer Wilson; Words: 544

Terms of the deal have not yet been fully disclosed, but those familiar with the negotiations put the final price at around $3.3 billion USD for the Hawaii Purchase and $0.1 billion USD for the Virgins Purchase. The Hawaii Purchase is rumoured to be renamed “Harper Islands” while the U.S. Virgin Islands will be renamed “The American Virgins”. It is rumoured that the United Kingdom, also in desperate financial shape, has also agreed to sell their entire 60 British Virgin Islands possessions (153,000 square miles) to Canada for $100,000,000CDN.

The Hawaiian Purchasewill exclude the 8 main islands of the state, i.e. Hawaii, Maui, Kahoolawe, Lanai, Molokai, Oahu, Kauai and Niihau which consist of 58.7% of the total land mass leaving 4,512 square miles or 41.3% that are being sold at a price of $731,383/sq. mi.

The Virgins Purchase will include all 133.7 square miles of territory that was originally purchased from Denmark back in 1917. Its selling price works out to $747,943/sq. mi.

For those who are interested:
a) the Louisiana Purchase in April 1803 from France consisted of the purchase of 828,000 sq. mi. of the area from the Mississippi River to the Rocky Mountains and from the Gulf of Mexico to British North America (now western Canada). It comprised of approximately 23% of the country’s present land mass which include what are now 14 states in whole or in part (plus small portions of land that would eventually become part of the Canadian provinces of Alberta and Saskatchewan). The purchase price was $15,000,000US or $18.12/sq. mi.

b) the Alaska Purchase on March 30, 1867 (some say the purchase was back-dated from April 1, 1867 so it would not be thought of as a cruel joke on the American people) from Russia consisted of 586,412 square miles at a price of $7,200,000US or $12.28/sq. mi.

John Canuck, Canada’s chief Island Procurement Officer was excited to have two contracts signed, sealed and delivered (possession is to be effective December 31st of this year). “This is a huge deal for us. Now that we have our own tropical locales we expect fewer Canadians will vacation in Florida or Arizona which should help with Canada’s balance of payments and further bolster the value of the Canadian dollar beyond (almost) parity with the USD.”

Canuck would not comment on future such purchases stating that such further unbelievable good fortune would likely not be announced until this date next year (i.e. April 1st, 2011).

This article was originally posted on April 1st – April Fools:) although we Canadians certainly wish that such purchases were really true!


Editor’s Note:
Permission to reprint in whole or in part is gladly granted, provided full credit is given.

View the original article at Veterans Today

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