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In stunning show of bureaucratic idiocy, EU directive bans health claim that water prevents dehydration

Mike Adams
Natural News
November 21, 2011

The collection of medically-indoctrinated idiots known as the European Food Standards Authority has officially disallowed a product health claim that says water prevents dehydration.

This means the EU does not even recognize the therapeutic ability of water to reverse chronic dehydration. It makes you wonder: If water cannot treat dehydration, then what would they use instead? Vaccines?

The claim that was denied by the EFSA stated that “regular consumption of significant amounts of water can reduce the risk of development of dehydration.” This claim was submitted to the EFSA by consultants who advise food and beverage companies (…). They wanted to see if such a commonsense claim would be recognized by the EFSA. It’s kind of an “IQ test” for the EFSA, you see.

Not surprisingly, the EFSA failed that IQ test. Maybe that’s because it is staffed by morons who probably can’t tell their own arse from their eye sockets, and it’s a wonder they can even remember to pull down their own pants before using the toilet.

So now, the denial of this commonsense health claim about water has been made into an EU directive which applies across the entire European Union.

Oh, goody! Now total idiocy is the law of the land…

Frontal lobe? What frontal lobe?

Let it be known that if you ever had any doubts about the cognitively evacuated morons who run the EU, those doubts have now been laid to rest with this EU directive which officially declares that water cannot prevent dehydration.

They might as well just declare that breathing cannot provide oxygen to your body, or that eating food cannot provide calories and nutrition.The EU has reached a level of mouth-gaping, slobbering stupidity that no nation in human history has quite matched.

Sure, the U.S. is trying to beat the EU at its own game with idiotic debt spending ($15 trillion in debt now under Obama, who added $4 trillion all by himself), followed by the loony idea that the way out of too much debt is toincreasedebt spending even more. And yes, Greece is probably leading the way in total fiscal stupidity by bailing out rich bankers while saddling its own citizens with a lifetime of virtually un-payable debt. But no one has yet achieved the high honor of“slap me in the face with a ham sandwich”stupidity that we’re now witnessing with this EFSA declaration.

Makes the bendy banana law look downright intelligent!

Ukip MEP Paul Nuttall said the ruling made the “bendy banana law” look “positively sane”, reports the Telegraph (…)/

He said: “I had to read this four or five times before I believed it. It is a perfect example of what Brussels does best. Spend three years, with 20 separate pieces of correspondence before summoning 21 professors to Parma where they decide with great solemnity that drinking water cannot be sold as a way to combat dehydration. Then they make this judgment law and make it clear that if anybody dares sell water claiming that it is effective against dehydration they could get into serious legal bother.”

But then, proudly standing up for the morons of planet Earth, Prof Brian Ratcliffe, a spokesman for the Nutrition Society, “…said dehydration was usually caused by a clinical condition and that one could remain adequately hydrated without drinking water,” according to the Telegraph. “The EU is saying that this does not reduce the risk of dehydration and that is correct,” Ratcliffe said. Babbledegookledygok. Morons-R-Us!

Are we surprised such a quote is coming from the Nutrition Society? What could be more fundamental to nutrition than the water solubility of nutrients which obviously require WATER to be carried throughout the body? Or the fact that roughly around 75% of the human body is made of water at any given moment? What do these geniuses think makes your blood a liquid in the first place?

Oh, let me guess. Here’s the new entrance exam to the Nutrition Society:

Question: Which substance is liquid at room temperature and hydrates the human body?

A) Mercury
B) Water
C) Gasoline
D) None of the above

According to the Nutrition Society and the EFSA, the correct answer is D!!

Wow. Words escape me. I cannot quite come up with the proper collection of insults to express the pathetic expansion of zombie-brained stupidity that has infected the EU leadership these days… but as an American, I am duty-bound to try…

Meanwhile, I can’t wait for the same brainless buffoons to officially declare that two plus two does not equal four… or that war is peace, slavery is freedom, and soylent green is the only nutrition you ever really need. We have reached a point of such runaway stupidity and brainless idiocy that I’m not even sure modern society can continue to function at all.

Even a one-eyed monkey could run the EU better than present-day EU politicians and bureaucrats. Why, you ask? Because at least the one-eyed monkey is only half-blind.

You should be drinking BRAWNDO, the Thirst Mutilator!

In the movieIdiocracy(which remains one of my favorite films of all time), water was banned in water fountains and agricultural irrigation, replaced by a sports drink called Brawndo – the Thirst Mutilator, a drink that’s “got electrolytes!” When the crops started dying after being doused in Brawndo, nobody could figure out why. After all, Brawndo’s “got electrolytes,” right? So why wouldn’t plants love it? (In the film, the Brawndo corporation actually purchased the FDA.)

Here’s a hilarious YouTube video about Brawndo, which satirizes the total idiocy of modern sports drink advertising:…

And yet, as idiotic as that Brawndo ad really is, it’s nothing compared to the EU directive which now states that water cannot prevent dehydration. Apparently, water doesn’t “got electrolytes.”

What the EU needs is “European Brawndo!”

Bird-brained bureaucrats? That’s giving them too much credit…

To call EFSA bureaucrats “bird-brained” might actually be a stretch (in their favor), because even my own free-range chickens are smart enough to know that water treats dehydration.

Yep, my birds are downrightgeniusesby EFSA standards, apparently, because every time they feel thirsty, they waddle right over to a water dish and lap up some water with their tiny bird tongues (yes, chickens have tiny bird tongues). Meanwhile, the finest institutional minds of the EU, after spending many months pondering the issue, could not even reach the simple realization my pea-brained chickens are born with: That the body has a fundamental need for water because water prevents dehydration.

Every animal innately knows this. Even mosquitoes have the brains to seek out water. So technically, EU bureaucrats are not even “mosquito-brained.” It’s almost as if you could put them all under anesthesia, surgically remove 99% of their brain matter, wake them back up, send them back to work for the EU government,and they would do just as good of a job!

It is at times like this that I am thankful my ancestors fought for America’s independence. It’s also a strong reminder that we must resist Codex Alimentarius (and other globalist control nonsense) or else we, too, may end up being told that water is medically useless.

Heck, the FDA already arrests people for selling raw milk. They actually run infiltration operations and spy rings (…) to catch people selling fresh milk. I guess if the FDA follows this EU directive, they might soon start arresting water smugglers!

Hey, buddy, wanna buy some water? Shhh! Keep it down. We’re being watched… This is the stuff that treats dehydration! Yeah, I know, we can’t say that too loudly… might get arrested. Shhh!

EU consumer alert: Stop drinking water!

The upshot of all this is that if you’re an obedient, slave-minded citizen of the EU and you suffer from dehydration (i.e. you feel thirsty), DON’T DRINK WATER! You might run the risk of violating some EU directive that could get you interrogated by mosquito-brained bureaucrats. Instead, you should call your local emergency services and ask for a pharmaceutical — or a surgical procedure of some sort — to “medically” treat dehydration.

I wonder if this decision will cause all the nursing homes and retirement centers to stop serving water to the elderly now that the EFSA has officially pronounced water to have no health benefit whatsoever? I guess old people should only be hydrated with intravenous drips, huh? Sure would be good business for the brain-dead medical industry across the EU, which is looking for something important to do before they release the next pandemic and call for a national vaccine mandate.

I wonder if they will pull water fountains out of the public schools now? Will there now be public service announcements across Europe that urge moms to stop allowing their children to drink water? Maybe they should all be drinking Brawndo instead. The Thirst Mutilator! Approved by the EFSA to treat dehydration! “Ow my balls!” (That’s a line from the movie.) (

Can we just get back to some common sense here?

Common sense says that water prevents dehydration. It’s built right into the worddehydration. “Hydration” means to have water. “De” means to lack it. So “de-hydration” means lacking water, by definition!

To declare that water does not treat dehydration is an admission that you areilliterateand cannot even achieve the most basic thought processes required for functioning in society.

Nowhere on this planet are more good people ruled by more complete idiots than in the European Union, where two plus two now equals five, and water is no longer recognized as a way to hydrate the human body.

Interestingly, the total idiocy of EU bureaucrats is about to collide withthe laws of mathematicsas the region’s finances implode. Governments can lie about water, and they can lie about debt for a little while, but sooner or later, the laws of the universe catch up with you and the deniers are all exposed as fools or criminals (or both).

I for one think we should take all these EFSA boneheads and EU droolocrats and air-drop them butt-naked into theDeath Valley Desertof North America, where they can rethink their opinion on whether water prevents dehydration. I’ll bet you a million dollars that in just 72 hours, they would be begging for water. Wouldn’t it be sadistic (but a little but fun) to stand there with a gallon of fresh spring water and refuse to give it to them, saying, “But you said water doesn’t treat dehydration!”

Maybe they can all just eat sand.

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